(FYI, this blog is the perfect example of what happens when you are a dick to other SEOs).
Hey there, my name is Marshall Adler . . . well, I’M not REALLY Marshall Adler but this blog is about him/me, this is what he/me looks like in case you see him/me.
Marshall likes to think he’s the greatest SEO in the world, he’s not. Too bad, the few customers he has, that are scared to leave, we’ll get into that in a bit, really wish he actually performed the quality SEO that he says he does.
Oh, btw just to make it easier, my “brands” are Sky High Media, irankfast.com, and a bunch of other stuff that doesn’t rank.
Check this out, this is how I introduce myself to prospective clients:
While I would like to say that ‘WE’ are a large group of SEO providers with unique skills and abilities from all over the world who came together to form a private club offering luxury branding services to A-list CEO’s and billionaire Entrepreneurs… we’re actually an army of a few serving CEO’s, Entrepreneurs and successful small business owners all over the Greater Denver Area, Fort Collins, Colorado Springs, Colorado the United States and now we’ve even started optimizing sites in Canada, UK, Europe and England.”
I know, Hu? Right? Makes no sense at all does it? LOL, I laugh at myself sometimes, how do I even manage to buy coffee right much less be the bestest SEO in all of the magical realms. I go on to say:
“I may be one guy (as the only on-duty SEO who does the on-site coding and backlinking once your site goes live), however I’m fifty steps ahead of the rest of the SEO providers in my industry in that I’ve invented everything that I do”. Because I am super duper smart, or, something. I’ve created a way (I’d be lying if I said it was approved by Google) to guarantee placements in organic search on major search engines for both Local and National keywords. It’s just not none of those major search engines are Google, Bing or Yahoo, but hey, who cares right?
Unlike our competitors with large staffs and huge overheads we operate from home offices (soon to be getting office space as of December 2016) and we accomplish the same goals as the big players; ranking our clients on page-one and pulling targeted traffic that converts on autopilot. However with ONE MAJOR DIFFERENCE…
(I’m not sure why I went on and on telling you how great and different we were because we didn’t have an office – and then I told you were were moving to an office, err, but anyway, let’s get back to our story. ONE MAJOR DIFFERENCE…)
Hmm, completely forgot what I was saying, heh. Well, hire me at Sky High Media and I’ll do the same for you, forget about what I’m supposed to be doing for you. The truth is, all I do is buy backlinks, which is against Google’s terms of service, but i never tell my customers about that. The greatest strength of my SEO is that I NEVER tell customers what I really do. BTW, that’s the system I have invented, we tell the customers NOTHING of what we are doing. I call it the “Marshall Adler Blind-faith SEO Method” NOBODY knows the details of this and I will go TO MY GRAVE with this secret!!!!!
And best of all, if any of my Denver SEO customers, or Fort Collins SEO customers, or Longmont SEO customers ever want to leave, because their rank sucks, I threaten them by making their website rank LOWER. Cool right? I keep customers even when they don’t want to stay with me.
Don’t forget, I am SOOOOOOOOOOO confident that I will rank you fast, I even put it in writing here: http://www.irankfast.com/. And that PROVES I am #1 at Denver SEO, Longmont SEO and Fort Collins SEO! The website name says it!! I Rank Fast!
Oh, by the way, this website is intended to be (wink, wink) 100% satire. But hire me anyway, so it the rank I get you. 🙂
Oh sweet!! Just got a great link from an anon who thinks I am a dirty rotten backlink buyer. Whaaaaat, me?
Okay, I admit it, the guy looks like me, sounds like me, talks and walks like me, heck, he even lives where I do,but that’s not me, for sure. I would never buy SEO Links. Right?